Fit for Duty

Posted on Fri Aug 2nd, 2024 @ 9:06pm by Ensign Anya Bagh & Doctor Teagan Ceja
Edited on on Fri Aug 2nd, 2024 @ 9:09pm

2,004 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: Joint Logs
Location: TDV Sapiyr
Timeline: Wednesday, September 6, 2400

Doctor Teagan Ceja leaned against the wall of the gym, arms folded and legs crossed at the ankle. She watched the crew members in the gym as they went through their routines. Her eyes noted a stiff movement here, or a stumble there, all the while making mental notes to follow up with those she saw wince.

A thud caught her attention, and she looked towards the sound. Anya Bagh, beating the heck out of a hanging bag. Teagan uncrossed everything, and walked over to Anya. She caught the bag easily after one good wallop.

“Time for your annual,” she said quietly. “Let’s go to the observation deck to talk.”

Anya sighed, nodding
“I should probably change first.” she motioned to her outfit. “Don't want to sweat everywhere.” She took a long drink from her water bottle. Her clothes were not sweaty at all.

Teagan nodded. “A good plan,” she observed. “If you needed it. Which you don’t.”

Her grin was light and warm. She nodded towards the door and waited until Anya started walking. While they walked, she chatted about inconsequential things. How were Anya’s quarters? How are the cats? What was that strange brown blob that they were served for dinner last night?

And all the while, she observed how Anya ‘was.’

Anya answered the questions minimally. Her body language was stiff the whole time. She acted like a gray rock, not offering any extra information. She hated doctors. Even though Ceja was not the worst doctor ever, she just didn't open up.

They rounded a corner and walked onto the observation deck. A bank of windows, Tserran style, allowed an unobstructed view of the stars. Ceja motioned towards a corner of the space, where there was a simple climbing wall set up.

“You are going to climb that,” she said. “And on each movement, you are going to tell me one thing that makes you mad. Furious mad. Deep anger Anya.”

“I do not want to break it.” Anya looked around the room, making sure no one else was around. She sighed, defeatedly.

“Fine. Julian.” She said before even stepping foot toward the wall. “I will warn you though that if I get truly angry, I can't control myself. I have tried to for years.” She took a step toward the wall, inspecting it with her hands, seeing if it would wobble. Finding it decently sturdy, she grabbed one rock hold.

“You remember that stasis room we found? The one below the orphanage? That was true anger.”

“Exactly why I need to know what breaks that control.” Teagan jumped up on a convenient ledge, and crossed her legs. She reached into a small bag already placed there, and took out a nice cool drink. “Julian makes you angry. Those children in that place makes you angry.”

She swallowed a mouthful of the citrus drink, then tilted the container towards Anya for her next question.

“So now you told me the obvious. What else?”

“What breaks it,” she answered evenly, “is when I am told I can. Ms Brunhilde worked on this for years.”

Anya held onto the first hold easily, but not advancing.

“Other kids had sports and play time. I had martial arts and meditation. I was too strong to not learn that control. At least on Earth.”

Ceja leaned back. “Tell me more about Ms Brunhilde,” she asked. She made a mental note to get Anya and Duffy working together some time. Duffy and Nasir’s unique abilities would be an asset and if anyone knew about how to let go of the power in a controlled way, it was them.

“And Anya?” she added after a brief moment, “You’re failing right now.”

Anya shrugged at the idea of failing.
“She was my caretaker. Literally the only parent type I ever knew. I aged out of the orphanage. I think she is still there. She taught me most of my meditation and part of my fighting style.”

“As for failing, I don't see it that way. I save my frustrations for… well destroying rooms.”

“You’re failing your annual psych evaluation.”

Ceja’s tone was even, but firm. She sipped her drink again, then dug out a chunk of cheese that she broke a piece from.

“You are failing Anya Bagh. Climb up to the red handhold and wait there.”

Anya scrambled up to the red hand hold fluidly.

Now that was interesting, Teagan thought.

“I want you to think of it this way. When you are too tightly in control, you don’t have control. You will, eventually, lose it and then you will let us all down. What else makes you angry Anya Bagh?”

“You saying that.” Anya looked Teagan in the eyes, her own narrowing. “I know people get hurt when I lose it. My sister was hurt when I lost control. I promised her I will not do it again.”

Teagan put away the cheese, feeling slightly sick. She’d watched Anya over the last few months. Seeing the subtle signs that there was an anger simmering beneath the surface. Clenched fists and seething tones of voice, and a sense of something bubbling like a volcano about to erupt.

People thought that counsellors were all light and soft, and a little gooey. That their job involved soothing hurts, and validating emotions, and slapping dressings on a wound rather than opening it up to let it heal properly. As barbaric as that thought was given how medicine actually worked, it was as apt a vision as any.

“How come you’ve never thought about learning proper control, rather than hanging onto it by your teeth and nails? How come you’re working on rigidity and sheer willpower, rather than using it to get where you need to go? What are you going to do, Anya, when you lose your temper over something and the ship suffers as a result? When the people you love get hurt because you never learned how to channel the anger instead of bottling it up?”

Anya stopped, looking down.
“I used to have a program for it on the holodeck. I could spar as many people as I wanted…” she gulped. “I wouldn't have to hurt anyone that way… even now, I hold myself back with TJ.” She looked back to Teagan. “I need a holodeck again.”

“Get yourself down here and let’s actually talk.”

Anya released the hold, dropping to the floor with only a slight thud. She stood, brushing herself off, more reflexively than actually being dirty.

Teagan waited until Anya was back on the ground. She offered the bag, with the drinks and cheese, to her.

Anya shook her head slightly. “No, thank you.”

“You need a holosuite to feel like you can let go fully and get the antsy feeling out of your skin,” Teagan said gently. “I get it. There are two people on this ship strong enough to spar with you, and TJ is a close third to them. I can ask, if you want.”

“Ezee has been busy, I thought. Who else is there?”

This bit was always fun and Teagan grinned in delight.

“Doctor Nasir and Nurse Duffy. They’ll love having someone new to play with. The other thing is that I don’t believe that’s all that’s eating at you. What do you need to do to help?”


“I don't know. I've never had time to think about it.” Anya sighed.

“How about taking some time then?” Teagan suggested gently. “When you’re ready, I can take you off duty for a bit. Long enough to work through the things you need to work through, and short enough that you won’t feel like you are abandoning the ship. How does that sound?”

“But the kittens and Sean need me. I can't be gone too long.” Anya mulled. “Besides, what would I do?”

“Oh I’m sorry. That wasn’t actually a suggestion. Sean and the kittens will be fine. And you could do whatever you wanted. Find a rooftop and scream from it, or sneak back across the border and find family. Or lie on a beach ignoring the world. Or dance the night away in a club. The choice would, literally, be yours.”

Ceja stared at the ceiling for a moment. “Let’s say about a month. You let me know when you want to take it.”

Anya’s eyes bugged.
“I would worry about the ship too much. Besides, I don't have much for family aside from Henry and the kids. Niavra is busy, studying at the academy and I wouldn't be able to show up there without being arrested on the spot.”

“Did you miss the bit where it wasn’t a suggestion? You will take some time Anya. Either you’ll do it willingly, or you’ll do it anyway because I say you’re not fit for duty until you do. And it will be time away from the ship. Also not a suggestion. I’m going to look forward to watching you and Duffy spar.”

“I will take time, but Sean just got stability in his life with Henry and me. I won't leave my kids like I was left.” Anya took a deep breath. “What really makes me angry, truly angry? The ones who won't provide the environment those kids deserve.”

“I was never mad at the kids. I was mad that someone, somewhere thought that being raised by a random person was better than knowing their heritage. The children are innocent. They deserve better.”
Anya stepped back from the wall, her eyes full of tears.

“Fail me if you want. I'm not leaving them.”

Teagan regarded her steadily. She smiled, and patted the bench beside her.

“There,” she said, “see how easy that was? Of course you’re not leaving them. I would never ask you to. You’re going to take a break, and then you’ll come back. They will learn that you have good boundaries where you look after yourself, which will teach them to look after themselves too. And you will be stronger for it.”

Anya blinked a bit, wiping her tears on her sleeve but still standing, just listening.

Teagan raised an eyebrow, with the smile still curving the edge of her mouth.

“So, let’s see. I started with a month. You’re going to say you can’t possibly take more than a week if even that, and I’m going to argue that you’ll take three. You will counter with a week and a half, and we’ll settle at two. Not a day less off duty, but I will take a week and a half off ship as acceptable. Did that save us a bunch of time?”

“If I can break it up, that would be ideal.” Anya sat beside her. “If not, I still have no clue what I would do. Sleep maybe.” She shrugged.


“how about a day to even think of what I should do then do it a week or so later?”

“Deal. But you are away for at least a week in one go. Or you’ll keep thinking about whether or not you should be on the bridge with every little sway or strange sound. I’ll talk to Aoife and Nasir about including you in their training sometimes.”

She leaned over and whispered, “you are a good mum Anya Bagh.” Then jumped off the spot she’d been perched on. She snagged the bag and slung it over one shoulder.

“Anything else before I say you’re all fit for duty because you’re going to look after yourself?”

“I think I'll be ok.”

Doctor Teagan Ceja waited until they were just about out of the observation deck before she added, “Good. And Anya? I will be watching to make sure that you do take all the time, and it will be taken how I’ve laid out.”

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