Weaving.

Posted on Tue Aug 18th, 2020 @ 9:24pm by Doctor Teagan Ceja & Lieutenant Commander Flora Hazeline MD

1,715 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Joint Logs
Location: Ceja's Office
Timeline: Whichever one we are in at this point....

Dr. Teagan Ceja sighed as she reviewed the report once more. She carefully placed the PADD down on her desk, and picked up a mug of raktajino. The reports she had received had begun to trouble her, and she'd observed behaviour in the individual that indicated something was awry, but now? Now she had to do something that was about as difficult as telling Arnet he was wrong. It was time to step in, officially.

Ceja tapped her commbadge. "Ceja to Hazeline."

"I need to see you in my office. Are you free in about thirty minutes?"

"I will make myself free." Flora answered, subdued. "Professor."
The comm clicked off.

The 30 minutes that passed were not easy ones for Ceja. She sat for 5, looking out of the window, and composing herself. Another 15 reviewing the reports she had received, and the last 10 making tea. The old fashioned way.

In some ways, it was a relief when the door chime sounded. She walked over to the door to open it, and nodded to Hazeline standing outside.

"Come in," she said gently. "Grab a seat and pour yourself a tea."

Flora walked in, looked around and poured herself a cup of tea with an appreciative sniff.

"The good stuff huh?" She looked at Teagan for a slight moment. "Is this a tea, Tea and Flora chat? Or a Doctor Doctor and Doctor chat?" she asked, quietly. She sat down, cradling the hot cup and nipped at it. "No, this one needs to be official doesn't it?" Then she paused, clearly tired, and reached into her pocket, pulled out three envelopes. "You know I've always respected you, and Arnet. And seen both of you as amazing people, right?" she added, softly. She tapped the three envelopes, one with a small green dot, one with a small orange dot, and one with a small red dot. "You two are strong. Cut from the same cloth. Linen, unable to rip, and will last a lifetime." She put them down on the table, and glanced up at Dr. Ceja again.

"Official," Ceja said briefly. She looked at her friend then, disliking intensely that she had to put on her official hat for this talk. When she had been Chief Medical Officer, she'd cheerfully informed crew, and friends, that they were off work until the bone had finished knitting itself together properly, or until the insert-name-of-rare-and-highly-improbable-but-oh-look disease had been vanquished.

Dealing with the more delicate mental health issues of the crew was another challenge entirely.

She leaned forward and looked down at the envelopes. "So which one is the resignation that is not going to be accepted?" she asked bluntly. "And once you've told me that, talk to me about what's going on."

"Really? I have to spell out a stoplight system to you......oh fine.... " Hazeline snatched the red dotted envelope off the table. "You know I care for this crew and this ship as much as you do. Resignation is still on the table. If ..... If I am the threat, I need to be..." she chose her words carefully "removed".

Ceja tucked the word away for some consideration. 'Removed' she thought. 'Interesting choice.'

Then Hazeline closed her eyes and slumped back. "Crap. I'm glitching again aren't I?"

"Glitching?" Ceja asked, "What do you mean by glitching?"

A deep sigh and Hazeline stood up, arms still crossed and found an empty bit of floor to pace slowly.

"I called it that, at first. I thought maybe it was the nanites, that I'd misprogrammed them somehow...but the code was sound." She shrugged. "Kept calling it that." she shrugged and smiled at Ceja, but it didn't reach her eyes any more. "In terms of my dexterity, everything is the same. I can still do my job, at least physically. But Lilian has had to fix my eyes twice since we left Spiderholm. "

Flora reached up and rubbed them. "And I think there's a third time coming. That's too often. Way too often, even for someone who does as much PADD work as you and I do." She felt like each word had to be dragged out of herself. This was Teagan Ceja, she reminded herself. Her friend. The one she could and did trust with anything. "And right now I have a little voice screaming in my head to not tell you about the rest. Not to tell anyone. To hide. Not a literal little voice, I'm not hallucinating." she clarified.

Ceja's action was about as predictable as could be imagined. She stood up, walked to her desk and picked up her medical tricorder. Flipping it open, she toggled the psychiatric setting, and began to scan Hazeline.

"Hold still, this won't take a moment." She initialised her scan, and put the tricorder down without looking at the screen. There would be time for that, after their discussion.

"Flora," she began, then stopped. This was potentially a huge issue, and she needed a moment. "Flora, why did you keep this secret from me?"

Hazeline looked over for a moment, then down at her teacup "I could give you a dozen reasons. Flimsy excuses I leaned on." She shook her head, moving more restlessly now. " The first time I noticed something was..just after we left Sector General. But looking back it might have been there longer. Some mood swings. A bit forgetful. Some nausea. I put it down to too much to drink at first as I'd had some of the real stuff, not synthol that evening." She shrugged. "Then I thought hormones, it was the right time for it. Even checked if I was pregnant." She shook her head. "Yeah, like that going to happen. So I just figured I'd had too much to drink and tried to cut down. But that didn't do it either."

Flora stepped over to where Ceja was standing. "Tea, if you believe one thing...I never planned this. I didn't sit down and think 'how do I keep this a secret'. I just..I didn't like what I was seeing. In me."

Ceja immediately returned to her seat, and picked up her mug. Sipping the liquid within, she thought for a moment. "That's a troubling trend," she said quietly. "It sounds like you have checked for all the physical ailments that could be a potential cause. However, your affect has become increasingly labile, and your behaviour during briefings has become argumentative, almost antagonistic. It has to be exhausting for you."

She paused, sipped her tea again, and then continued.

"If you had observed this sort of behaviour in one of your department, and then found out that they knew and had been keeping it secret, what would you have to do?"

Flora grimaced.

"Nicely done. If I argue with you on this point, I prove your point, and you have to sign me off while we figure this out. And if I agree with you I have to sign myself off. And I'd have to have a very long talk with them." She sighed, a lot of the energy dropping away. "I kinda knew this was coming. I didn't want it to but I knew it. If the neighbours below report yelling, I haven't gone even more labile okay? Just..trying to talk some sense into myself." Hazeline paused. "Bad joke. Very bad joke. Sorry. I am tired. I want to sleep but I can't. I've been trying to keep it under control but..." she shook her head, still holding her cup, looking into it as if it held answers. It didn't. "I'm scared."

"Yes, how is that slightly aggressive style of turning things around working for you?" Ceja asked, a ruthless tone in her voice. "You've been doing that a lot recently, so that people back off and leave you be."

"Slightly aggressive?" Hazeline grimaced. "That's the understatement of the week. I remember most of what I said, okay, Tea? It was more than slightly aggressive. ...this is more than slightly aggressive. Bother. I agree. Please, sign me off." She grimaced. "I don't like me any more than you do right now. Or Nyds does. Or anyone does."

Ceja let silence fill the room for a moment. She watched Hazeline fiddle with her cup.

"I hear your fear. And I understand that your fear has taken control of you, but now we have to work out what to do. You're off duty, pending results of a thorough workup, and all psych evaluations. I am not going to medicate you quite yet, but that may happen too. For now? You rest. Pick which Doctor you want to perform the tests. You've got a week."

She didn't say what would happen if Hazeline did not follow through in a week. She figured she didn't have to.

"I take it you won't leave me be?" she hazarded a slightly amused guess, resembling more of the Flora of old. "What does your schedule look like in the next few days?" she added quietly. "Tea? I agree with what you're doing. I think you need to do this too." she closed her eyes and took a deep breath "But I also respect if you are too close to this for proper diagnosis and treatment. I know I'd struggle. Are you, you know, too close? As I trust you more than anyone on staff. But I want to respect your boundaries too. And this has to be hard on you. "

"No argument there. I've watched you decompensate for months. I'll take on performing the tests." She rolled her eyes, "I wouldn't trust anyone else with it either." She put down her cup, and tucked her feet up under her as she leaned back in the chair.

"But for the record? Nobody said they didn't like you."

She picked up her tricorder and checked the screen. "We'll talk about what this says, later. Today? You get to go back to your quarters and rest."

"Sure." Hazeline walked out and waited until the door closed before heading off to her quarters to do exactly that. "Nobody, except me."

Ceja put down the tricorder with a soft sigh. She returned to looking out of the window at the stars slipping by. Each one was closer to home. She began composing her own report.


Fin.

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